83R22789 T
	By: Pitts	H.R. No. 1563

	R E S O L U T I O N
	WHEREAS, Many score ago, Dorothy Nell Studer Pewitt gave
	birth to her first child, a son, one Billy Randell Pewitt, who
	proceeded to exist on RC Cola (including in his baby bottle) and
	never spoke until his second year; who has since not stopped
	talking, even if no one is listening; who has continued the cola
	habit, although upon doctor's orders, has been modified to the
	healthier version of Diet Coke, on the pretext of health and
	longevity when taken with Austin Land & Cattle cheeseburgers and
	fries; and
	WHEREAS, Born April 18, 1953, the ancient Billy Randell
	Pewitt is still alive, perhaps his unconventional diet merits
	consideration; and
	WHEREAS, Despite tightened security measures, Pewitt, who
	never wielded more than a water gun, and was able to earn his
	concealed handgun license, and is still allowed in the Capitol
	proper, has his target, peppered with off-target bullet holes,
	hanging in his garage with a push pin that he inadvertently stabbed
	himself with; and
	WHEREAS, He's still a legend in his own mind, with lodgings
	directly across the street from the Capitol, appears quite hard to
	get rid of; and
	WHEREAS, His lovely trophy wife of 31 years as of yesterday,
	Shannon McCann, continues to manage to plausibly deny any knowledge
	of the details, having determined long ago just how unbecoming an
	orange jumpsuit might be; and
	WHEREAS, Old Man Pewitt and his long-suffering wife have had
	three children in each of their decades together, it seems likely
	the dynasty will persevere; and
	WHEREAS, When not holding court and embellishing his own life
	story, Pewitt enjoys bragging on his own offspring-or tries to get
	them jobs; and
	WHEREAS, His eldest son Will, who served as a congressional
	intern in 2002, and is now a professor of English at several Florida
	universities, has forced meddling Father Pewitt to leverage his
	influence to find Professor Pewitt employment inside the Great
	State of Texas, no doubt in a dubious conspiracy to influence the
	minds of the youth of this great state in bending to the father's
	nefarious schemes; and
	WHEREAS, Middle son Jack, who, when also serving as an
	intern, was asked to run some documents to another office, actually
	did run at break-neck speed through the hallowed halls of the
	Capitol until slowed by peace officers, clearly demonstrating a
	genetic predisposition to his father's headstrong, ham-fisted,
	heavy footsteps, has thankfully more often demonstrated his
	mother's creativity by becoming quite an accomplished artist,
	recently completing a memorial sculpture for Casis Elementary
	School; and
	WHEREAS, His youngest, a daughter, Jill, born in Pewitt's
	advanced old age, is now twelve, teetering on teenhood, is
	constantly having to remind her friends and teachers that Pewitt is
	indeed not her grandfather, though the hardship has only served to
	strengthen the character of this young women who shows dominant
	traits of her Mother's beauty; and
	WHEREAS, Pewitt has become famous, or infamous, for his
	elaborate parties at his home, and said homestead is currently
	under construction, this session will be no different as even more
	guests will be accommodated at his blowout session party next
	month; and
	WHEREAS, Billy Randell Pewitt is now officially old and
	decrepit, he still beats his chest, coughs, takes a draught of Diet
	Coke and proclaims to be in his prime; now, therefore, be it
	RESOLVED, That the House of Representatives of the 83rd Texas
	Legislature hereby commiserate with Billy Randell Pewitt on his
	60th birthday and extend deepest sympathy to those of us who must
	humor him; and, be it further
	RESOLVED, That an official copy of this resolution be
	presented to the Ancient Pewitt to remind him that he really is 60,
	though he really appears at least two score older.